How much?
How much faith do you need to let someone go?
To give over what you once thought was in your control?
Offer up into the Father's hands
The precious one you hold so dear
How much trust do you need to watch them live
a life outside what you thought they did?
Making mistakes and gaining victories
all without you near.
How much grace do you need to understand
to let the things pass that once hurt so deep, so strong?
All along standing by waiting
as the time passes and down fall the tears.
How much peace can you feel inside
amidst the turmoil and pain all around?
The Almighty One who loves each and everyone
is holding and guiding you according to His will
and in spite of all of your fears.
????
What do you do when you've reached your end
Writing down words you don't have courage to send
Confusion and frustration, feelings familiar
They've now become a learned behavior
Wishing, wanting, needing, crying
What's the point in all of this
Why can't it just be the way it was
All of the things you miss
When is it okay to be selfish
When is the hurt just enough
I'm lost in a whirlwind of emotion and confusion
All of this from the broken promise
All I wanted was just a simple recognition
For the words that have been spoken
To have some meaning
Maybe expectations are far too high
and all I needed tonight was a damn good cry
Wow...
Just a few things from the book I am now reading...I posted most of what I liked on my Xanga account cause this book is amazing and I can't really post all of it. So, I'm just utilizing all the space that I have. Enjoy...
"In that day every trial borne in patience will be pleasing and the voice of iniquity will be stilled; the devout will be glad; the irreligious will mourn; and the mortified body will rejoice far more than if it had been pampered with every pleasure. Then the cheap garment will shine with splendor and the rich one become faded and worn; the poor cottage will be more praised than the gilded palace. In that day persevering patience will count more than all the power in this world; simple obedience will be exalted above all worldly cleverness; a good and clean conscience will gladden the heart of man far more than the philosophy of the learned; and contempt for riches will be of more weight than every treasure on earth."
"In this life your work is profitable, your tears acceptable, your sighs audible, your sorrow satisfying and purifying."
"If, after being admonished once or twice, a person does not amend, do not argue with him but commit the whole matter to God that His will and honor may be furthered in all His servants, for God knows well how to turn evil to good. Try to bear patiently with the defects and infirmities of others, whatever they may be, because you also have many a fault which others must endure."
Thomas a Kempis~The Imitation of Christ
This goes out to someone who at one point considered this one of their favorite songs...remember?
What a Friend I've found
Closer than a brother
I have felt Your touch
More intimite than others
Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus, Friend forever
What a Hope I've found
More faithful than a mother
It would break my heart
To ever lose each other
Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus, Friend forever
~Delirious What a Friend I've Found
It's amazing to me how some people don't truly see the depth of how much they are loved. Take the blinders off and really see the people who genuinely care for you. In the end, you'll be amazed at what you find...
busy work and laments
Well, my life hasn't changed much as of late. Melissa and John continue to work at getting plans together necessary for setting a date. More of that to come. Side note: It's hard not being home to help her plan this more directly. It's even more difficult to let other people do things instead of me...
Meanwhile, I continue to plug away at my busy schedule. When I'm not busy, I don't want to do anything, so it has proven difficult to use my free time wisely. Although breaks and rests are necessary, good time management skills seem to be hard to come by in my life. Classes are proving to be more difficult than I had thought they'd be, and keeping my grades at an acceptable level (at least at my standards) is also a challenge. But, clinicals are just around the corner and I just know I'm going to enjoy stepping out of the classroom and into a real life scenario. I'm looking forward to the change of pace.
Along with school, my work hours have not changed, but I know a change is inevitable. It really depends on when I get up enough guts to talk to my boss about cutting my hours...I know, the sooner, the better :/
RA stuff is also on the top of the "too much going on to breath" list. Programs, programs, programs. Who knew promoting community would be so time consuming?
On that topic (sorta), Bible Study and the like are going fairly well. I have a group of girls who have been very committed, and yet getting them to talk is like pulling teeth. Hopefully, no one will freak out when I start asking them to step up and do horrifying things like...*scary triple minor chords on an old organ followed by a flash of lightning and rolling thunder*...praying outloud! AAAHHHH!!! I know, I'm evil. Along with Bible study, IV seems to be doing alright so far this year. We'll see how things continue...
COMPLETE AND TOTAL SUBJECT CHANGE...READY?
Here's a few nasty facts for those of you who are addicted to smoking cigarettes:
The headline: Even Light Smoking Ups Lung Cancer, Heart Disease Risk
"Smoking just a few daily cigarettes raises the risk of dying of heart disease, lung cancer, and from any cause, according to a Norwegian study." This study stretched from the mid-1970's to 2002 and included more than 42,000 adults
*Heart disease deaths were nearly 3x as common among light smokers as among nonsmokers
*Men who were light smokers were nearly 3x as likely to die of lung cancer, compared with nonsmokers
*More light smokers than nonsmokers also died of any cause during the study
Smoking has been identified as the single most preventable cause of death and disease in the U.S.
A different source said that
*Approximately 50 million Americans smoke, &
*each year, about 3 million people worldwide die from smoking
It's all quite sobering, especially considering there are people I know and love dearly that light up each day. No one is ever allowed to say quitting is easy. Nicotine is a very powerful drug and any chemical dependance is difficult to break because there are physical changes to your body. But, God says He will never leave us and that He is our Rock, our Fortress, our Shield, our Strength. Just examine the Old Testament and you'll see the countless times God delivered His people from horrible circumstances and also brought victory to those faithful to Him. Addiction is one thing God can help people win a victory over. Even when we are talking about physical addictions, He is all powerful. I think He might be a really good Source to turn to...Just a thought. You know who you are and you have heard it from me and will continue to hear it from me until I no longer have breath in my body. I love you! All I ask, in all of this babbling and all of this "broken record"-ness is that you keep God the center during those times when you feel like you need to light up. He will help you. I hope I can encourage you, even in those times when I seem to be yelling at you. So, you may be asking yourself, "Why the hell is she writing all of this?" This is my lament for you, my dear friend. My cry for you to trust in God. My apology for sounding demanding and upset when I should be an encouragement and my warning that I will continue to be that annoying friend who asks if you have any cigarettes with you. Okay, I'm done...
I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord. How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust, and has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood. Many, O Lord, my God, are the wonders which You have done, and Your thoughts toward us; there is none that compare to You; if I would declare and speak of them, they would be too numerous to count. Sacrifice and meal offering You have not desired; my ears You have opened; burnt offering and sin offering You have not required. Then I said, "Behold, I come; in the scroll of the book it is written of me. I delight to do Your will, O my God; Your Law is within my heart." I have proclaimed glad tidings of righteousness in the great congregation; behold, I will not restrain my lips, O Lord, You know. I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth from the great congregation. You, O Lord, will not withhold Your compassion from me; Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me. For evils beyond number have surrounded me; my iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to see; they are more numerous than the hairs on my head, and my heart has failed me. Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me; make haste, O Lord, to help me. Let those be ashamed and humiliated together who seek my life to destroy it; let those be turned back and dishonored who delight in my hurt. Let those be appalled because of their shame who say to me, "Aha, aha!" Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; let those who love Your salvation say continually, "The Lord be magnified!" Since I am afflicted and needy, let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God.
Psalm 40
Check out my
maid of honor dress! I will be in the "light peri" color and the other 4 bridesmaids are in the "banana" color. It looks really awesome together. I would show you a picture of the wedding dress, but who knows if John would ever come across it. You'll have to wait until after the big day. Speaking of which, still no date set. The hold up lies in the lack of a finalized guest list. By the end of the week...(or so I hope). I'll keep you as updated as possible with the plans, considering I'm helping to make them. This means lots of extra trips home between now and the big day. (prospectively in April or May) Anyways, I'm super excited about my dress (and melissa's is completely breathtaking). It's a fabulous style and looks good on all the girls. Can't wait for more action to come...although, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed...*sigh*
Congratulations to my little sister Melissa Hanson on her engagement to John Russell. You'll always be my baby sister in my heart :) More on the wedding plans to come...
