It's really crazy how certain things in life can catch you completely off guard. Almost as if you had been waiting for so long that you finally got used to it, and then, "BAM." I kind of felt that way today. Today was a day that showed me how necessary constant communication with God is. It's so overwhelming to deal with a lot of different emotional things in one day, but I can't doubt that each one was orchestrated by God. More than anything, when we are pouring into others constantly, which I believe is part of our lot as Christians, it becomes impossible if there isn't a complete reliance on God. This reliance includes allowing Him to constantly pour back into you through your own personal time with Him. Not that any of this in new to me, it's just something I was reminded of today.
Another thing that came with the emotion of the day was realizing how much it can hurt to love someone. Not really in the position to explain that, but mostly I'm hoping some people understand without an explanation. To be in a position where you love someone so much that it hurts to see them going through certain things or acting a certain way. My heart hurts right now, and my only comfort is knowing that God's power is more amazing and so much bigger than anything I or this person could ever imagine. I have a previous post on Christ's love. It's actually one of my first posts I ever wrote. One thought I need to reiterate is that we are NEVER too far gone. God will NEVER turn His back on us. The only person who can separate you from God is yourself. He is always there, desiring us, wanting us to draw near to Him, knowing it is a choice we have to make, that He can only come so far and then it's up to us to go the rest of the way.
Anyways, I'm babbling now. It's late and I need to be off to bed. I get to go home tomorrow! Yay!
Goodnight everyone!
It's been an extremely long time since I posted. The funny thing is, not much has changed. I do think I'm getting better at juggling life, but feel as if sooner or later something will have to get the boot. We'll see, no big decisions as of yet. (oh, and FYI, school is not one of the bootable options)
RA-ing goes on without incident. I either have an extremely well behaved floor or I'm not good at paying attention. Maybe, if they are doing things they aren't supposed to, they'll continue to do them elsewhere. I know that may sound horrible, but it really isn't fun having to bust a bunch of girls who seem to think the legal drinking age should be 18. Not so much.
I finally got to see Sarah Joy's new apartment. I really should feel lucky that I have a best friend who is not moving on with her life in another city or another state. For some reason, not seeing her when I know she's 10 minutes away is getting a lot harder than if she was hours away. Hmmm...that sounds confusing. Basically, I want to see her and never really do (no particular person's fault) so it's painful knowing she lives just down the road and that doesn't change much of anything. And with Rachel heading out to OR, I'm really needing to pour into other friendships cause I'm feeling the distance (of both Rachel and kinda the "lack of distance" distance from Sarah Joy). Side note: I need to start lifting again cause I carried some stuff into Sarah's place and I have a knot the size of Houston in my shoulder. Who knew clothes could weigh so much?
I get to go home this week and then to Point next week and I'm totally psyched. I'm missing my family big time lately too, so it will be nice to spend some time with them. My mom even took off work to spend the day with me. How can she know me so well even after I've been out of the house for so long? Definitely a mom thing. Too bad that day has to end with some dental work. Boo to the dentist; yay to my mom!
My trip to Point also will involve some reuniting intermingled with an eye appointment (yay new glasses I can actually wear), a dermatologist appointment (please pray for me, I'm kinda nervous to find out what's wrong with me. Even though I trust God fully, I don't have any idea what the verdict will be), and a hair appointment (woohoo for no split ends!). I'm excited for the day with old friends, including dinner with good, old 8S. Can't wait!
What else to talk about...
Sadly enough as it is to admit this, my frequency of severely girly moments has increased as of late. God has, no surprise, been ever so faithful in providing me with what I need. I'm always reminded of the worship song, "All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every hurt and every need..." He really is all that I need and is enough to satisfy every part of my life. I just get so easily caught up in the desire to be with someone. Nothing beyond someone who will hold me, play with my hair, hold my hand and tell me everything's gonna be okay. As I'm reading what I'm writing, I honestly know that this is the role of Christ in my life. He is the man in my life until that other person comes along and steps in. What can I say, I'm not perfect, I tend to lose sight of this specific thing very easily.
Well, I really should cut this update short. (yeah, a bit late for that) I could talk a lot more about a lot of other things, but that's for another time. My heart is with the one I care about and needs to be close to God right now. (you know who you are) Let others encourage and strengthen you and don't be discouraged by words meant to be uplifting. It's never easy to hear from others the things that might be wrong in your own life. I pray you can be accepting and allow God to touch you through them. Please know I cannot be mad at you. Any disappointment comes from my desire to see you grow spiritually and be healthy and joyous in all you do. I love you, you're my best friend and no matter where our roads take us, I will always be there for you. Always.
Until next time...
YIKES!!!
2 days of class are done.
Only 9 weeks and 2 days left until finals.
So, I have to take this moment to say that I admire those who can hold down a job, a full-time class load, AND be involved in other organizations. It's only a couple days into it and I'm already feeling the pressure of being pulled in too many directions. Classes (not the hardest schedule, but definitely not lacking challenge), RA duties (programs, staff meetings, being on duty, being on the floor, building a community), working 12 hours a week plus 16 hours every other weekend, Witnessing community leader for my residence hall (kind of coordinating the Bible study and such), IV worship teams (still the only female singer involved), weekly IV meetings and other activities attached to that...I hope I'm not forgetting anything. I have no free lunch times during the week. I had to switch some hours up with work because of when staff meetings are, so I am currently scheduled to work a 12 hour sat/sun at least 4 times this term. I know this sounds like a post filled with a whole lot of whining. I apologize...I know God will give me the strength to make it through this year. He has never failed to do so in the past. HE is the only reason I know I'll make it at all. Sometimes, though, I need a freak out moment before my moment of clarity and serenity comes along. So, this is it. I'm overwhelmed and feel stretched out and overcommitted and over tired. Good, now that that's done...
I'm sorry for my friends out there who might not see much of me the next couple of months. I'll do my best to be around when I can.
Well, I must be off to do some homework and reading and hopefully cleaning my room before I go to bed. Good luck all you college students out there!
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
Philippians 4:4-9
See you later, friend
I had to say goodbye (sorry, Rach, I mean "see you later") to a very close friend of mine who is moving on with her life. Her life just happens to be moving on to Oregon. I actually told her to go, but a very tiny voice regretted that a bit when I heard her voice in my phone saying she was leaving in a couple weeks. I admire her courage. Actually, I admire HER.
Rachel and I met in Stevens Point her junior year there. I honestly find it difficult to remember the time before we were friends. That happens to me a lot. I just can't believe there was a part of my life where she didn't exist. We became the best of friends and shared a lot in her time left in Point. Of course, friends like Rachel are a part of you forever. Even when I moved to Milwaukee and she lived 15 minutes away, we didn't see as much of each other as I really would've liked. But, that was okay, because just the knowledge that all it took was a phone call and a short car drive to see her was enough for me. Now, God's plans for her life are taking her away. A lot is unknown and unplanned in her mind, but the Master has it all planned out already. She is covered in the prayers of those who love her. Even if Oregon isn't going to be home for long, her faith and courage show as she steps out, ventures forth, takes on the challenge of starting something from scratch. God's hand is always with her and I know her eyes are cast on Him. Some steps will be a bit more shaky than the ones before, but still they are made knowing He is taking those steps too.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8
Even though it is so very hard for me to say goodbye to you, Rachel, you go with the support of those who love you (and that includes me). I love you, you're my sister and you've been there for me in ways that I can never thank you for (at least not in words). I promise to always keep in touch and be there for you when you need me (even if it's only in thoughts and prayers). Megan and I will do our best to come see you this spring. Can you say, ROAD TRIP!!!
Drive safely Kutschera family!
